The Mark of Zimmer

Another of my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz’s, clients is Phil ‘The Foil’ Fowler who, back in the eighties, choreographed all the fight scenes for such blockbusters as Howard’s Way and Murphy’s Mob. Phil’s the first to admit though that stage fighting and stunt co-ordination is a young man’s game, so he’s now eeking out a living teaching fencing in old folk’s homes. He also fancies himself as a bit of a comic and reckons he regularly has his fencing students pissing themselves. And occasionally shitting themselves. Anyway, the above shot was taken just before all hell broke loose in The Incontinental rest home in Leighton Buzzard. Apparently Terry, seen here on the left, had been ‘feeding the donkey’ with one of the Altzeimer’s crew and Rita, Terry’s long-term squeeze on the right, had been waiting for the weekly fencing lesson to exact her revenge. Moments after this picture was taken Terry was laid out with his bow legs in the air whilst Rita rode around the Beryl Reid suite on her Zimmer Shopper with Terry’s colostomy bag high on the point of her foil singing ‘Dontchya wish your girlfriend was hot like me’. All’s well that ends well though and Terry’s enjoying being nursed back to fitness by a harem of forgetful beauties whilst Phil and Bernie managed to get Rita the part of Yoda in a new musical version of Star Wars called 'Watching the Dagoba'.