The Smoking Gun

Well, I’ve been away from the blog again and was hoping now to be able to report to you on a lovely break in Latin America. You see my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz, scored me a commercial for Fray Bentos’s new Tortilla range to be shot on location in Mexico. The shoot itself didn’t take long (I was only given one line: “I came to Mexico to roll my own”) so the cast and crew were given a couple of days off to explore this wonderful country before flying back to Blighty. On day one I found myself at a traditional Mexican farm and was having a lovely time with a young family from Liverpool whose youngest son La (at least I think that was his name) took a real shine to me. “Give the nice piggy a kiss La” said his dad so I could get a cute photo for the album. Seconds after this picture was taken however La sneezed violently in my direction….

I will update the blog as soon as the Metropolitan police release me from quarantine. Anyone got any Night Nurse?

Blah,blah, blah. Cut to the quick. How much is booze?

I knew we were in trouble when I saw this picture this morning.

If you knew sushi...

It’s been a while since I dropped in to Pat Maggs’ greasy spoon café (see items passim) so I decided to put that right this morning at breakfast time. What a mistaka-ta-maka. “Harrison Dahling!” she cried as only a menopausal former showgirl could, “you’re just in time to be the first to sample my new Japanese menu.” And sure enough there, in cack-handed Japanese calligraphy, was a menu board entitled ‘Nipon Tuck’. I didn’t want to let the old girl down so, being quite fond of Japanese cuisine and also being a sucker for eighties new wave bands, I opted for ‘Sushi and Japancheese’. Blimey Charlie. Let me tell you that 7.30 on a Thursday morning is not the time to be washing a Rollmop herring, topped with a Kraft single down with Morrison’s sake. I’ve been rough as guts ever since and I spent most of the rest of the morning on the throne – I’d give it ten minutes if I were you.