If you knew sushi...

It’s been a while since I dropped in to Pat Maggs’ greasy spoon café (see items passim) so I decided to put that right this morning at breakfast time. What a mistaka-ta-maka. “Harrison Dahling!” she cried as only a menopausal former showgirl could, “you’re just in time to be the first to sample my new Japanese menu.” And sure enough there, in cack-handed Japanese calligraphy, was a menu board entitled ‘Nipon Tuck’. I didn’t want to let the old girl down so, being quite fond of Japanese cuisine and also being a sucker for eighties new wave bands, I opted for ‘Sushi and Japancheese’. Blimey Charlie. Let me tell you that 7.30 on a Thursday morning is not the time to be washing a Rollmop herring, topped with a Kraft single down with Morrison’s sake. I’ve been rough as guts ever since and I spent most of the rest of the morning on the throne – I’d give it ten minutes if I were you.