Taking the pith

With the New Year upon us it’s time for my annual detox and get fit campaign. This year, as well as taking a month off the fags, the condensed milk and the Pernod, I went out and spent an entire royalties payment from Harbour Lights (I played a Frenchman in Speedos looking for a Bureau de Change) on a juicer/smoothie maker with a built in pomegranate pip pulper. I’ve been using this bugger for exactly 3 weeks now and I have never been more detoxed, in fact if I were to belch in your direction it would probably add about a fortnight to your life. However, there are 3 drawbacks with this new fangled machine that I need to warn you about before you go spending your hard-earned Giros on one for yourself; 1 - there are simply not enough greengrocers in any one county in England to provide you with enough fruit for the recipes given (the picture above is of me driving home from Aldi on Saturday (from where I have since been banned) with enough ingredients for one Lemon Entry and two Banana Chowders). 2- You cannot make any plans in the mornings because breakfast can take upwards of three and a half hours. That’s an hour and a half peeling, prepping, juicing and drinking plus two hours for ...….......3 – The shits. My bog pan has been a reservoir of rusty water since New Years Day and no amount of health benefits could possibly make up for the stench. Watch out for my Superjuicer 3000 on e-bay come February the first, and bidders beware….