R.I.P Beadle

He's up there now, watching us...watching you, watching us.

Open auditions for Children's TV presenter

What bleedin' chance did I have? And the dressing room reeked of cocoa butter and poppers.

Drinks are 'All inclusive.' (It's not the same thing)

I'd give it 5 minutes if I were you.

I took this picture of two 'Kami Karzi' Pilots when I was auditioning for a hodder advert in Japan. 'Kami Karzi' translates into English as 'Not so Divine Wind'. They're smiling because they know there's no need to wipe.

Despot Teapot

Here's a pic of the despot teapot I bought at Lo Yamush in Shepherds Bush.

Coffee Anan

When I had to go up in front of the beak last year, my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz, promised me he’d get me the best barrister in town. When this guy turned up I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of the year in clink, as it happened though, Dan Tang knew quite a bit about agricultural law and got me off scot free. The cappuccinos were on me.