My celebrity star has, admittedly, been on the wane somewhat recently, so with no panto tights to fill and no switching on the lights in Leighton Buzzard town centre to look forward to, my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz asked me to be the celebrity guest to switch on his very own Christmas lights spectacular (pictured). It’s good that the Jewish community are happy to join in the fun this time of year and the Shimshelwitz’s even invited Rabbi Burns along for the switch on. When I flicked the switch and the skies around Sidcup lit up with Bernie’s home made Aurora Borealis one could not help but feel some yuletide joy. This joy was soon replaced by dread when a newsflash revealed that a power surge in the Kent area was causing mayhem. Apparently Bernie’s Heath Robinson wiring had caused the lights to flicker at the local children’s hospital and the medication time alarm system was blaring out at 4,000 decibels. The epileptics were freaking out due to the flickering lights, police units from all over the county were sent to break up the ‘rave’ and now they were looking for someone to blame. As I looked around me I saw that Bernie had legged it, Mrs S was in tears and our resident holy man was like a Rabbi in the headlights. It was left to me then to explain the disaster to the chief constable. Fortunately he recognised me from an episode of the Bill I did in 1994 and, after explaining to me the correct way to present my helmet when ‘at ease’, he let me off with a caution. Happy Christmas, Harrison.
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