Thank F*ck we're out!

To cut a long one short, me and my agent Bernie Shimshelwitz were (by default) forced to become the front and back end of a promotional unicorn for the latest Narnia film. Needless to say the expected happened. When it was time for our union regulation cafe creme break Bernie and I spent an age writhing around attempting to free ourselves from our mystical costume. After a good 45 minutes the heat eventually overwhelmed us and panic set in as Bernie was unable to reach his ventolin inhaler that he had stashed in his bum bag, thankfully a member of the gathering crowd had called the fire brigade who, after a little gentle persuasion managed to free the zipper which had become snarled up in Bernie's hefty pubic region. I don't think anyone there that day was prepared for what emerged from that unicorn least of all class 4F from the local primary school. I tried in vain to stop the screaming by sticking the unicorn's blue mane on my head and offering the kids free rides but it was too late. The Police were called and Bernie and I were carted off to the local nick, later released without charge or clothes. Apparently the case would never have stood up in court.