Grease is the word

The more I learn about Pat Maggs, the more I like her. She’s been getting complaints and ironic remarks from customers for years about the greasy floor in her café. Now Pat has plenty of positive attributes, but cleanliness, a decent work ethic and cooking are not really among them. However, she’s nothing if not inventive. She stopped even pretending to clean the floor about a month ago, instead taking just a few minutes out to draw up a poster on her Commodore 64 ‘pooter which read; ‘EXERCISE AND HEARTY FOOD GO HAND IN HAND AT PAT MAGGS’ PLACE – any customer who can slide the length of the café from the door to the counter without stopping will get their ‘all-day breakfast Gutbuster’ absolutely free (not including tea or bread and butter or condiments or milk or sugar).’
I prefer to keep a bit of pride in tact if I can so I put me Reebok Supergrips on before visiting Pat’s place, happy to pay my £2.50 and watch as representatives from all sections of society try to get summat for nuthin by taking a run up from the bus-stop opposite and hurtling towards the counter like bambi on ice, screaming “Gutbuster please!” as they go. It can’t go on like this though, there’s a film of blood sitting atop the grease slick now, which I’m sure must contravene food hygiene laws somewhere along the line. Good old Pat.