Election Section

I had a call from my agent Bernie Shimshelwitz earlier. He told me I had to get up to speed with everything that was going on in the American Presidential race. Apparently he’s landed me a part in a new Hallmark TV movie reprising a role that I played a few years ago. Back in 2004 I starred in a softcore porno called: ‘How to get Bush in the Whitehouse’ (You’ve probably seen it.) To be fair most of the scenes involved ‘Big Dick’ Cheney but it transpired that my understated performance as Gordon Brown struck a chord with the public and critics alike. Anyway, it seems that my Brown is in demand again but Bernie is worried that my ignorance of world politics may lose him his 10%. He may be right. I have to admit my knowledge of the two presidential candidates is patchy. I thought that John McCain was in Die Hard and that Barack Obama was a holistic cream of some sort. My dear old Nan wasn’t much help; she was certain that Barry Sheen was the President of America. I think she’s confused him with Martin Sheen, which is wrong twice but I didn’t have a chance to correct her as she was watching Countdown.