The drugs DO work...on stubborn stains.

With the credit crunch squeezing us all dry I've been forced to take in a lodger. I only got one response to the ad I put in the Metro (most likely because of a hideous typo which meant that applicants must be prepared to share balls) and that was from a scruffy looking bugger called Malcolm. He had a beard, but I recognised him straight away as the drug dealer who used to hang around stage door at the Empire when I was in Aladin with the kids form Hear 'Say. They used to know him affectionately as Malcolm Powder. Anyroad, he promisd me he was going straight so, since I had no other choice, I got him a set of keys. Well blow me if I didn't get home last night to find Malcolm hunched over a pile of white powder on my glass coffee table. I went spare and threatened to heave him out. He assured me the powder was Vim so I chucked him a damp Brillo pad and watched as he slowly scrubbed away the Bovril stains with tears running down his face. He'll thank me one day.