Yamahartbreak...

Spending lonely nights in crap digs has left me a bit maudlin and talking to a bottle of Pinot Grigio about the big love of my life whom I shall call Loraine (cos that was her name). We spent what I thought was four quality years together in my flat above a black pudding factory in Penge, but one Friday morning, quite out of the blue, I find a note from Loraine under the Breville sandwich maker, it left me speechless and it read; “I’m leaving you Harrison. I’m off to find the opposite of you. I want a man with long hair, a red jacket and an enormous Yamaha. You can keep the Breville.” I spent the next four exhausting nights scouring the local biker clubs with no luck at all. It was a year later that I learnt that she’d ended up as a roadie for Richard Clayderman. I’m taking my Pinot Grigio to bed now, where I hope to dream about slamming the piano lid down on those hairy hairy hands once and for all.