Fie-diddle-de-dee!

In a bid to keep the wolf from both our doors my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz, scored me a corporate role playing gig at the HQ of a major food manufacturing company a week ago. My job was to take on the part of a Senior Executive bringing his management team into line with some up to the minute inter-personal managerial techniques. I was mentor to the company’s Sales Director, Baz, a high flyer who hung off my every word. He shook my hand at the end of proceedings, looked me straight in the eye and said “Thank you Harrison. You have changed my life today.” Imagine my horror then when one week later (yesterday) I’m in town to audition for a new coconut flavoured dog food commercial and in an unholy coincidence Baz is there representing the company and taking a non-speaking role in the scene. The 21 year-old sloaney casting girl had me on all fours barking the tune of ‘I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts’ whilst nuzzling Baz’s leg and pointing him towards my food bowl with my hind quarters. For twenty minutes this went on. By the end of it Baz and I were both sobbing silently and never daring to make eye contact. I’m slowly now trying to rebuild my life. Not easy though, I cannot get shot of the taste of coconuts.