An update for all Bernie Shimshelwitz fans. My agent regained the power of speech yesterday and although the doctor insisted that he remain in his iron lung for another 48 hours he was happy enough to let him be air freighted over to Italy for Wayne and Coleen’s wedding (Rooney and Shimshelwitz are top mates from the brothel circuit.) I’ve just got off the blower with Bernie and he’s having a Whale of a time. He told me that he’s guaranteed to be in loads of the Hello Magazine snaps due to the fact that the waiters mistook his iron lung for the buffet table and loaded it up with Fray Bentos, Mini Kievs and the Battenberg wedding cake. You can’t buy class. He took this picture of Coleen on the camera phone he’d stashed in the lung.
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