Is it safe?

By way of a ‘thank-you’ for nursing him through his recent trials (see items past), my agent, Bernie Shimshelwitz, bought me a gift token to be redeemed at ‘A Friend in Knead’ massage parlour. I went for the Indian Head massage as I’ve never had one before and am always willing to try new things. What a mistaka-to-maka. I don’t know if I caught L-O-L-A Lola on the wrong day like, but she mashed my bonce up good and proper. I was told it was meant to be refreshing and stimulating, this was anything but. I don’t know if it’s possible to shrink the human head, but when I came out my sunglasses didn’t fit me anymore. Lola’s meant to be giving me a waxing session next week ‘Back, sack and crack for £14.99’ I think I’ll give it a miss.