Law of 'The Fist'

You may recognise this character from Channel 5’s docurama ‘The Four Doormen of The Apocalypse (Nightclub)’. Barry ‘The Fist’ Mason was perhaps the most famous of the four bouncers due to his popular catchphrase “Do you wanna punch in the throat?” There was a three week period in 2003 when every bugger was using that catchphrase, even Tony Blair slipped it into one of his speeches. Barry was enjoying great success, 10% of which went straight into my agent Bernie Shimshewitz’s bank account. As we were both represented by the same agent Barry and I became firm friends and it came as no surprise when he turned to me for advice when his fame began to wane. Turned out that he wanted to use the money he’d earned from the TV show to start a children’s day nursery in East Anglia. He was worried that his nutjob reputation would work against him in the childcare sector but I told him that all he needed to do was soften his image slightly. He achieved this by simply doctoring the LOVE and HATE tattoos on his knuckles so they read GLOVE and HAT. Goodbye Barry ‘The Fist’, hello ‘Uncle cuddles’.