Pat!!

Most days I like to visit Pat Maggs’s greasy spoon breakfast diner on the high street. Goood old English fair and Pat Maggs is one in a million. She’s a sour faced trout, approaching 50 (from the wrong direction) has that much Henna in her barnet she looks like Ronald MacDonald, and what she doesn’t know about the menopause is not worth knowing. She’s getting on my nerves a bit at the moment though. Her menu’s gone all topical. You know the sort of thing Credit Crunchie Nut Cornflakes, Boris burgers with Red Ken Chilli Peppers. She kept me waiting two hours this morning for a Terminal 5 Breakfast Bap. Even her sign for ‘Free Ketchup’ has changed to ‘Free Tibetchup’. The whole world’s gone mad.