Sunday, 25 November 2007
Thursday, 15 November 2007
This is the manhole I hurtled down on my unicycle in Paris, France. Needless to say I smekked my front teeth out on the way in, and had quite a time of it trying to convey my desire to gain compensation at a favourable Euro to Sterling exchange rate in my limited French. Slimy bastards.
Monday, 12 November 2007
Sunday, 11 November 2007
This is me running The London Marathon last year. I finished 2385th but would've been a lot faster if i hadn't got stuck behind that joker in the deep sea diver's outfit...and yes that is my cock hanging out.
Saturday, 10 November 2007
Between 1993 and 1996 I was financially 'rolling in it' largely thanks to this man, my accountant, Frankie 'Nine Toes' Fipps. Frankie always claimed that he'd never 'cook' the books but rather 'flambe' them into a neat crepe shaped tax return. Frankie was a tradionalist and would only use an abacus and his fingers to calculate any sum which would often result in him having to use his nose to move the abacus beads. A great character, Frankie stunned us all in 1997 by dying. His funeral was attended by hundreds of his clients who had to be separated from the church by a police cordon after it was discovered that Frankie had taken most of our money and invested it heavily in cosmetic surgery on his feet. He took his abacus with him, along with 157 P45's
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
Here's one of me meeting the Queen at number 10. I'm standing shoulder to shoulder with Primeminister Blair but I'm blocked from shot by that wreck of a woman from 'This Morning'. Did you know that President Blair was the only world leader that was allowed to tap dance on the Queen Mum's coffin.
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Monday, 5 November 2007
Friday, 2 November 2007
“Listen mate this chicken situation’s getting out of hand, get it sorted pronto or you’re out tonight.”
Mickey’s thinking: ‘There’s no way I’m getting involved with these chickens, I can’t stand ‘em’
Rocky ambles in with dusters on his hands and knees from where he’s been involved in some ‘intensive training’ on all fours on Mickey’s parquet flooring.
“What is it Mickey?”
“If you wanna beat Creed you’re gonna have to be able to deal with chickens. Now go round ‘em up.”
“Okay Mick Shall I do it before or after I clean out the guttering?”
The same thing happens in The karate kid where Mr Miyagi trains the kid up by making him carry out menial jobs like painting a fence and washing a car. Miyagi tells the kid that undertaking these dullard tasks means he will gain the skills that will allow him to avoid a good pasting down the dojo. The truth of the matter is that the sneaky Jap was actually getting the gullible teen to do his community service for him. Snide.